BLISS RATING: ★★★★★
“Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You can’t stop thinking about another human being.” – Helen Fisher
Now this is how a series should be made! This is an astonishing series that is so real and genuine, that it is hard not to feel it on a continuum from hate to love. From abuse to passion. From obsession to complete devotion. It is NOT your typical BL in that it is so raw, gritty, and most of all unhappy. If we are honest, perhaps we ourselves may have had someone in our lives that we were obsessed with or affected us similarly. This whole series is so complex with intense emotions that it is hard to accurately describe it in words. It is more for seeing for yourself to judge its impact and outcome on you.
It is a toxic love story that should not be romanticized. It does not make it less brilliant, but we should not try to fit a ‘square peg into a round hole’. This is the first true BL that I can recall seeing that presents love, not in its purest form, but in its most toxic form. There are endless love stories from Hollywood that show the fascination and obsession of the ‘bad boy’ attraction. For some reason, females in these stories would throw themselves and indeed devote themselves to a ‘bad boy love’ rather than someone who would love them with softness, gentleness, and acceptance. It is almost like a fatal attraction. This is the gay version of that story. An individual will accept abuse, humiliation, rejection, and emotional torture just to be with and experience not even the love from that individual but just to be in his presence. Sure, this story seems to have a ‘happy ending’ but its journey to that point is so toxic that it is hard for me to find its bliss.
It is a story about Hira Kazunari (Hagiwara Riku), and Kiyoi Sou (Yagi Yusei). Nothing more needs to be known. They did not exist before they met each other. Hira was a non-existent entity with a stuttering problem therefore he was either never thought of, bullied, ignored, or victimized. In walks on the first day of school Kiyoi, the individual who has everything – friends, looks, charisma, and completeness except it is all a façade. In reality, he is just as broken, mixed-up confused, and vulnerable as Hira.
But Hira is not just starstruck with Kiyoi, he is obsessed with him. Even that does not describe his attraction. It is more like he is possessed by him. He sees Kiyoi as unattainable, and he, completely unworthy of loving him. Kiyoi befriends Hira but for complex reasons that are never quite understood until the end. He knows and senses that Hira is his world and through their association, Hira becomes Kiyoi’s world. Yet neither one knowing its depth or its degree because they never really communicate. On the surface, the cruelty that Kiyoi heaps upon Hira is almost unbearable and you literally feel pain for Hira’s sadness and plight. Yet somehow, Hira, can compartmentalize that, look past that, and accept this reality as that who Kiyoi is. His devotion is unflappable.
This is a story presented from three sides. The first side is from the perspective of Hira while the second is from the point of view of Kiyoi. The third side is looking down on both of them. Hira is as broken as he appears, yet he never sees himself that way. He has internalized his unworthiness and has accepted that. When he meets Kiyoi, he now has meaning, purpose, and devotion. He does not, can not, and will not see any shortcomings with Kiyoi. How can you when he is your King?
On, the other hand, Kiyoi is just as vulnerable and insecure and irrational as Hira but at the opposite end of the out-of-reality continuum. Inwardly, Kiyoi is just as weak as Hira is outwardly. Hira does not see Kiyoi’s negative behaviors toward him as anything other than that is who he is and that is how he is supposed to be treated. Just to be in his presence is enough reward. Kiyoi sees Hira as the only person that he could love but wants to be loved not as a King but as himself but is unable to communicate that.
In some sense, Hira’s walls around him have broken down while Kiyoi’s have risen up, allowing no one to penetrate them. Ironically, Hira sees through those walls and accepts Kiyoi as he is. It is only when they can be honest with each other do they begin to see each other, not through a toxic lens but through the reality of genuine acceptance.
As Hira enters college, he meets another student, Koyama Kazuki, played by Takano Akira. Kazuki is a soft-spoken individual who is so obviously in love with Hira. Yet, Hira, astute as he is to the whims of Kiyoi, is completely oblivious to the overt and covert signs he gives Hira that he likes him. Honestly, I could not tell if Hira did not know or simply did not want to know. I concluded that he did not want to know and as cruelly as Kiyoi treated him that is how he treated Kazuki. I say that not because he was brutish to him in a physical sense, but he knew how he felt, did nothing to discourage it, and when Kazuki finally confesses how he feels, he dismisses those feelings as if he is not there. Kazuki realizes that all Hira can see, wants to see, and will ever see is Kiyoi. So, Hira treats Kazuki not even like a friend, but as a utensil. You use when needed and appreciate its value to you, but nothing more. I found that to be cruel.
Who really S.T.O.L.E. the series? Takano Akira is a phenomenal actor who painfully portrays his agony of being in love with Hira with a quiet fortitude. He did everything right. Treated him with kindness, respect, and most of all, caringly. Yet, Hira feels nothing for him. Nothing at all which is even worse than hating him. Akira is so steadfast in his portrayal, yet you can sense in him a deep abiding anxiety that his love for Hira is unrequited. When he says ‘good-bye’ to Hira, not only is there a finality in his voice, but there is also a wound within him so deep that recovery for him to ever trust anyone again may be a difficult path to follow. He KNOWS that Hira has rejected him completely and has instead chosen a person who has abused him. That does something to your psyche. A remarkable role played by a remarkable actor who did so with a deep appreciation of his character’s integrity. When he cried, I cried with him. I felt him and was so deeply saddened by his treatment that I stopped, burst into tears, and wanted so much for a different outcome. I honestly felt physical pain.
This is an astonishing, phenomenal masterpiece of cinematic genius. It is raw, gritty, and strangely compelling to watch. I hated it yet loved it. It got me physically ill from its bullying and heartlessness yet could not stop myself from hoping for a happy ending. Seeing Hira thought of as an instrument of amusement brought back so many memories of what my own childhood was. And how easy it was for him to heap the same awful behavior onto someone else who loved him unconditionally. Oh, not as pointed or as piercing but just as effective.
Perhaps it is a story that needed to be told because it breaks the mold that love is a storybook fantasy. This in essence is an ugly story of love. The acting is brilliant and so intense. The story is smart and real. The lessons painful to learn. Their outcome, for me, is not so pretty. It is all based on lies, falsehoods, and unworthiness. I see no trust, no real love, and no strong commitments. I see two very lonely broken boys, with no egos, no sense of growth into anything positive, and each fulfilling the needs of one other without understanding what it is they are fulfilling. They are both stuck not in the real world but in a world created all on their own.
Consideration has to be given for this to be one of the best for 2021 and perhaps one of the best BLs categorically. No one should come away from watching this series feeling good. One should turn away with tears in one’s eyes. If there is such a concept of the ugly side of love, this is it. Through it all, it is a compelling story, strangely beautiful, and so fervent.
This shall stay with me for a long time.
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