About the Author
I cannot imagine anyone interested in who I am, but here it goes. I was born in Johnstown Pennsylvania. For those unfamiliar with that area, it is in western Pennsylvania (near Pittsburgh) and was a coal-mining and steel-making town. It is also the site of the catastrophic Johnstown Flood of 1889, one of the greatest natural disaster the United States has ever had. Believe it or not, I was once a laborer in the steel mills. I found out what HARD work is really like. Johnstown was an earthy city with ‘family-values’ galore. Only those family values did not include me. I NEVER fit in.
I was a skinny kid, nearly blind, bullied, effeminate, uncoordinated, clumsy, withdrawn, depressed, and loved males, even if I could not articulate that. I really was not able to articulate that until well into my 30’s. You must understand that in my younger days, I had no one to ever talk to about what I was feeling let alone act on anything. Throughout my life, I was overwhelmed with guilt as the Catholic in me controlled my life and to some degree still does. I was a sad, lonely kid who never was the ‘apple of anyone’s eye’. I was just there and the only way to break out was through learning. So, I went to school. Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Pittsburgh. Master’s Degree from Indiana State University. Another Master’s Degree from Duquesne University and eventually another Bachelors’ Degree from California State University – Long Beach. All of that simply filled empty space.
I met someone in my 30’s who was my ticket out of this lonely mess, and we moved to the great state of California. California saved my life, my sanity, and gave me hope and permitted me to explore my sexuality. We spent 15 years together, not all of which were pleasant. But he offered me the acceptance of myself that I was so desperately seeking and for that I shall always be eternally grateful for. Nonetheless, I still had a hard time accepting myself as gay, even though I was quite sexually adventuresome. I still felt shame, residual guilt, and a sense of unworthiness. It became necessary for me to face all that on my own, however.
Slowly, like a gently rolling freight train, I dealt with my issues, one by one and eventually found the love of my life. He and I have been together for nearly 25 years now and married for 13 of those years. He is my joy, my comfort, and my rock and, cannot live without him. In my declining and undoubtedly limited time left, I feel content.
As I have already mentioned in the History Section, when the pandemic hit and out of sheer boredom, I wanted to do something ‘gay’ for a change. And by happenstance, I saw a YouTube video that said the 10 best BL series of 2020. I had no idea what BL was and, if you read in the Home Section, I became hooked. I felt alive again and perhaps for the first time in a long time, began to relate to others in a gay way on an emotional and psychological level. I understood these characters as they brought back so many memories of exactly what I was feeling when I was younger but never ever had the opportunity to define those feelings. In a strange and ironic way, they made me feel not so alone anymore in that what I thought about guys when I was younger was not (and is not) that uncommon. I envied their ability to act on these feelings, both in terms of storylines and behavior.
Obviously, I am an older white guy and no doubt some of you are thinking that watching incredibly good-looking young guys is warped. Maybe so, but honestly, to deny beauty in any of form seems more unnatural to me. Beauty exists in all different forms, and it appreciate its impact on you is a thing of beauty in and of itself. Just watch for yourself and see. These series have taken me back to my younger days and helped me to bring back so many lost memories of former loves, most of which went unrequited, but not all. I grew up in a time and place where you could not even acknowledge what you were feeling, even if you could put it into words. To some degree, I am re-living and re-experiencing my past through new eyes and a new perspective. I remember all my unrequited loves as handsome as all these actors are. They are beautifully visualizing what my own fantasies were when I was younger. Not my real reality but in my deepest thoughts they were. I feel somehow better knowing that I was and indeed not alone. These series can make you laugh, yes cry at times, maybe feel pain, and most of all, give you a sense of universal longing and belonging.
Overall, BLs let me feel good and help me see myself young again. They permit me to re-live my younger self, now with a smile on my face. Yes, I do admit that many of these guys I lust after. But I hope to do that until the day I die and hopefully even on that day. That is what makes us human. Yes, my husband is well aware of my obsession and knows it is all fantasy. My reality is and will be with him. May I add, if you are an actor but do not want people to lust after you especially other males, then do not do these series. It indeed would put a smile on my face if I felt lusted by others. What an honor and consider it one. Your beauty is fleeting. I try to write these reviews from a perspective of what its impact on me was like. I envy you today that you have such a freedom of expression. Never take it for granted and never let anyone take it away from you. These reviews are my small way to try and wake-up (at least in the USA) that love takes many forms, many shapes, and is beautiful in its creation and fulfillment. I refuse to let anyone ever cheapen love again. Enjoy!
Pete Bongiovanni
ppbongi@gmail.com