BLISS RATING: ★★★★+
“…as long as nothing happens between them, the memory is cursed with what hasn’t happened.” – Marguerite Duras from Blue Eyes, Black Hair
While not a dramatic BL series, you will find nothing closer to bona fide drama than this series. Why? Because it is a ‘reality’ series exploring gay love. ‘Reality’ shows are not completely pure as all of them are planned, edited, and set-up with rules and conditions.
First and foremost, these men that had the courage, guts, and fearlessness to let us see them proudly proclaim their gayness took nobility and fortitude. While I know little about Korean culture, I do know they are reserved, polite, and tend to not want to share their inner thoughts and desires especially publicly. So, these guys, in my mind, are heroes to the gay community. To be able to display their vulnerabilities, malleability, and fragilities with such grace, dignity, and valor was remarkable. This had to be so difficult to do. I can only imagine….
To be honest, I hate reality shows especially ‘dating’ shows. And so, I was not expecting much from this. Being an American, reality shows are so far removed from reality that they are merely unrehearsed and unscripted drama series. But this is different. I believed these guys. Each man was unique, different, and at various stages of acceptance in who he was with all of them learning to accept their gayness within a society that is repressive and certainly not tolerant or welcoming of gay lifestyles. To show that to the world in and of itself becomes a must see for every young man who thinks he is gay or is struggling with acceptance of that fact.
The series starts out with six men coming together who do not know each other. The only thing in common is that they are gay. In the beginning, the guys are not permitted to reveal their ages or occupations, which is remarkable as those two questions are the very first questions asked of anyone who you are getting to know. These two questions represent the ground floor to first connections. This literally forced them as a group and on their one-on-ones to pose questions about who they were as individuals, their interests, and their likes, and what they are looking for.
The second impressive action is that they chose their sleeping arrangements randomly. There were 3 options – one single room, one room with double beds, and the third room was for the remaining three. They did not know each other and were forced by chance to choose a card with the room assignment hidden. Each had to deal with the prospect of living with an unknown someone, whether you wanted to or not. Or deal with living alone while the others got to know each other.
The third remarkable change from normal reality shows is that at the end of the day, each had to go to a special telephone booth to shyly confess to one of the remaining contestants that he found him interesting. Even at this early stage, you could sense where connections might occur with one being strong from the beginning. The ones being called were scattered around the house (mostly in their bedrooms) thus allowing others by chance or circumstances to know who was getting calls. At the end of the first day, 3 received no calls, one received one call, one received two calls, and one received three calls. Each and subsequently everyone had to learn how to deal with either feeling positive about themselves or feel the sting of rejection and humiliation at an early stage in this venture. Most were stoic and even those that had several calls were philosophical. Being gay, they were all familiar with feeling demoralized; there was no reason to revel. The tables could turn and the one you really might want, might not want you.
In the third episode a new player is introduced which then changes the dynamics of the group, as expected. Rearrangements of feelings are evident as they get to go on individual ‘dates’ or get to know others. In this episode, the are finally able to reveal their ages and professions. I cannot help but feel that this revelation was the turning point for either finding a connection or diminishing feelings. Both age and employment are directly connected to status and stability. No one person, however, directly stated any of that was a major factor, but feelings did change.
Despite what appears to not necessarily be an overt criterion for choosing an individual interesting, it was a covert reason in wanting to solidify a connection with someone else. After all, if you feel a person closer to your age is more stable and acceptable, then you tend to want to be with those characteristics. Also, if you are looking for ‘boyish beauty’, and the age confirms that criteria, then other characters about that individual is heightened. Also, if you are introducing an individual to family and friends, does a drag queen or vlogger fit an acceptable status criterion? I am NOT passing judgment here; merely making an observation of an outsider looking in.
In the fourth episode, another player is introduced which again changes the dynamics and living arrangements of the group, forcing each to deal with circumstances that places them both physically and emotionally in uncomfortable realms.
The remainder of the episodes are devoted to the development of who each wanted to either to get to know better or have strong feelings for.
Here for me is where the series becomes a new revelation that I wish I had realized at the beginning. I am indeed myopic and was thinking more like an American. This is NOT a dating program. That may not have been clear at the beginning. This was a mere journey to finding someone they liked enough or connected with on a more personal level to then DATE on the outside after the series ended. It was the rumblings for romance; not romance itself. And that is why this series is so unique.
It is a pilgrimage of discovering that spark for another person you might want to explore but without all the cameras. If you are expecting lust, hook-ups or slavish devotion to wanting to be with another, this is not it. I am NOT saying that some were not feeling that. I am sure they were, but we never got to see that externally to any great extent. At least not until the end.
Who really S.T.O.L.E. this series? It is obvious that most of eight deserve this distinction. These men deserve our thanks and frankly praise for allowing us to see their vulnerabilities, their internal struggles, and for several, their pain of embarrassment of rejection in not being picked or chosen or called. I felt the melancholy as that transcended all language barriers as it came out of the screen and smothered me like a heavy wool blanket would on a hot summer night.
In the end, only two couples were connected close enough to choose one another. In my opinion, I third couple was obvious, but it simply was not to be. This was a remarkable journey for these two couples with the remaining four rather perfunctorily left to drift out of the picture. There was something sad yet full of revelations for all of them to go through this process. Painful realities must be seen along with happy endings. I expected no less from the Koreans.
Initially, I was not sure of this series true focus or intent. I concluded it was a journey to see if there were couples compatible enough to begin the dating process. Nothing more. This was to find someone for sure but to find someone for what purpose. It was not for love or mating. It was taking a journey to find a route for two people to take together that may or may not lead to something greater. Will these two couples succeed? I do not know but they are on their way to knowing each other better than any other reality show of this genre I have ever seen. A successful relationship is based on a lot of other factors besides a brief appearance of a reality show.
Several changes would have made this series clearer and more coherent. What were its rules? It would have clarified why these guys did the things they did do. Where they under restrictions? What were they? Could they have had intimate contacts with another? Could they have been on a ‘date’ with someone they liked without it being arranged or supervised?
Honestly, the editing of this series was not very good. It looks like they nearly filmed these guys continuously, yet the episodes were inconsistent in length. I would like to have known them better especially the ones who were not called. Seeing them interact in other situations besides meals and their outings would have given us a better understanding of who they individually were. I appreciated and enjoyed their group activities while at the home; we got to ‘see’ them and learn who they were.
Frankly, I was surprised by the lack of any hint of sexual attraction or tension to each other. I will not even pretend to say I know the Korean culture but to have a bunch of gay men, all frustrated by the society’s pressure to behave appropriate with decorum and restraint, not be able to let loose or just shake the shackles of shyness even just a little bit, would have been a worthy goal as well for this program. I confess that is easy for me to say as I am not being filmed literally 24 hours a day. But these guys seemed so natural on camera that at times it appeared as if they had forgotten they were being recorded. Except when they conveyed something about their gayness did the sense of unease hit them again.
The translations were at times hard to fathom and decipher especially the English. Sometimes two different English translation of the same scene were there, and it became confusing and distracting. Also, please slow down the translations so we can read them with some greater understanding. It moved too fast and made understanding the scene more difficult to process. I had to re-wind many times.
None of this negated this series impact or beauty, however. I am sure this was, as one described it, painful both emotionally and physically to do. We were able to peer into the minds and courting behaviors of gay men of a culture that is mysterious and unknown to many around the world, and especially me as an American. I could see their constraints both internal one and external ones. On the other hand, some of their actions and behavior were universally understood irrespective of a country.
I hope gay and straight people watch this series as a way of peering into the minds of a group of people long held to feel painfully out of place and unaccepted. The attempt to show that they feel, they cry, their loneliness, they hurt yet deep down wanting what the rest of their culture wants – Love and Acceptance.
Whether the couples succeed or not, is not really relevant here. Undoubtedly, the chances that they will are quite slim as they are caught up in the moment. When reality sets in, they can then see each other with shadows and not always in the light. But it gave these eight guys an opportunity to see and be seen, to feel and be felt, and to have strangers touch you in ways that you never thought possible. That is a worthy experience. Hopefully, it made them more human. And let us hope that what we saw was, well, real.
“Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.” – JM Barrie, The Little Minister
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