BLISS RATING: ★★★
“A sure-fire way to know you are crazy is if more than one person told you you’d be great on a reality show – and you agree with them.” – Tracy McMillan
I must warn you that my perspective of this series is not all moonbeams and unicorns. I am not going to praise this series merely for the sake of praising it. Perhaps it is ground-breaking in the sense that it is a gay dating show in the Philippines and for that it deserves applause, unquestionably. There were also 10 young men with the guts and courage to willingly identify themselves as leaning towards liking other men and wanting to find a ‘spark’ in getting to know another man to see if a connection was possible. And equally remarkable, it had an astonishing charismatic transgender woman as a host to guide this series along and provide not just direction but support. In addition, she supplied solid affirmation to who these young men were and what they were feeling. A remarkable accomplishment for a society that is still burgeoning in its acceptance of its gay/transgender/bi/ and queer communities. Kudos for its production and development.
Having said that, let us look now at its effect more deeply and intensely. As an outsider looking in, I did not understand its concept. I am NOT Filipino but am married to one, so my perspective is skewed. I could not, frankly, understand what a ‘spark’ was, or how it was being defined. What was its point? Was it romantic, friendship, merely a connection, for dating, sexual attraction, a deep platonic attraction, an intellectual stimulation, lust, horniness, fun to be with, or a combination of all of these? To me this is vital because as a foundation as to why a connection is being developed has to be understood by all parties. Whether they be individual or pre-determined, it makes for a level playing field and all participants then understand the ‘ground rules’. Why were they getting together? In other words, are all parties on equal footing in understanding why they were playing the ‘game’? It was apparent from the beginning, they were not. Where they there to find someone? Did they have to? Why were they playing such odd games to gain a chance to win a ‘date’? Where they NOT permitted to simply ask someone they liked or was interested in to go ‘out’? If so, why, or why not? I found all those ‘rules’ somewhat confusing.
I also had a serious issue as to how these 10 were chosen and more importantly vetted. I do not think it was random and my sense was that most were chosen based on social media connections and status in life. And some seemed relatively new to the whole concept of being gay or even if they were gay. I am not trying to negate in any way those who were chosen but with a country of nearly 114 million souls, there are not 10 out and proud unhesitatingly GAY guys from all walks of life, rich and poor, that are willing to be on a ‘reality’ show about finding a guy to ‘spark’ with? With no complications? My point to this is that if you want to show what gay life is like, then show gays in all walks of life; not just one with predominately social media fan bases. How about choosing from social workers to jeepney drivers, rich or poor, just regular folks. Let the world see that gays come in all forms. Those who are comfortable and uncomfortable in front of a camera. Let us see the real Philippines.
I have an extensive background in working in human services – over 40 years, as a matter of fact. And I cringe when I see the cavalier way we ogle and view people who share deeply personal secrets and vulnerabilities publicly. While it might be entertaining and, to some extent, hard not to watch, it is deeply personal and maybe cathartic but not necessarily therapeutic or healthy or always good to so freely share. Sometimes the whole world does not need to know or see our deepest vulnerabilities. That then becomes like a modern-day version of a ‘gladiatorial game’. We get a thrill out of watching it while it is happening and we might even cheer for their ’courage’ for sharing, but they now have to live with the consequences of that sharing long after we have forgotten this series.
And I can tell you from experience, it is NOT always a Hollywood happy ending. It might be recommended that a better vetting system be reviewed that permits participants the freedom to either, one, not feel any pressure to necessarily share everything OR, two, have an option to cut a segment from the final production if something is felt to be too sensitive after he reviews it. While it might make for good ratings, it does not make for good therapy. Some of these guys, in my opinion, need more than a break-down on a TV program to resolve their issue with only a good hug and a kumbaya moment. While helpful momentarily, that will not be long lasting. And some of the questions in their personal revelations were quite cringe-worthy and honestly best asked between two individuals who are sharing intimacies with each other as they develop their relationship and not a group exercise. For me, some of those questions were shameful and inappropriate and should not have been asked. To me, there is something voyeuristic about that and that is a sad commentary on all of us.
Who really S.T.O.L.E. this series? The winner here is none other than Mother Sparker herself, Miss Mela Habijan, who acted as the host and confidant of this series. She is remarkable. She kept this series moving along without unduly influencing its direction; only its flow. She was supportive, caring, and always putting the guys’ needs and the groups’ flow as the main focus. She never once made it about her. What a remarkable host to keep the conversations going and to give positive reflections back to each with such uniqueness and sincerity that reinforced each of their individualities. She should be cloned for so many other hosting duties. Her presence was both soothing and comforting even when the presentations of the individual ‘sparks’ were less than favorable. Just remarkable. She deserves special distinction.
I both liked and disliked this series, but mostly lean towards the latter. I know the ‘good feeling’ we get from initially watching this series and for those participating in this series. But I am apprehensive it will be short-lived, unfortunately. And no doubt, the participants feel as if they contributed something good to the enhancement of the gay community and I am the first to acknowledge that achievement. What I want to caution is that for some, perhaps not all, the price may be a heavy one. The cameras go away and so will the attention.
The series on the whole seemed uneven and favorable to some while not others. I frankly did not understand or see how each of the participants had an equal shot of intermingling with the other participants. In the games that were played, most were based on brute strength. That all seemed so uneven and inconsistent. In addition, the ‘winnings’ appeared rather meager in nature and weak with little opportunity to get away from the group. Everything at least from the audience perspective was done within the group confines with no opportunity to ‘get away’ for a one on one separate from the group. That is where and how magic begins. It was all so unbalanced and too short for the audience to get any sense of connection between any of the participants, honestly. That is the issue I have with ‘reality’ dating series. So much is on the cutting floor we do not see or hear. We only see what the producers want us to see and hear. And what we saw in this series was exceptionally limited. However, kudos for editing the last episode of the sparks’ awards. That was distinctive and done with honesty and to some extent brutal veracity.
Despite what we see on the screen, these ‘reality’ series are not authentic, and we need to stop pretending that they are. It is for entertainment and remember, they live with the camera in their face all the time. Is that how you live? Also ask yourself, did any of these guys look the same from the beginning to the end? The giddiness and uncomfortability in the beginning were replaced with the stark reality of rejection for most. Or for two couples, the reality that they must now follow a new path that has been lit by the sparks rejected from others.
Regardless of my misgivings, I am happy for Alex and Justin, and Karl and Nick. I wish them all the happiness now that the cameras are gone, and a new ‘reality’ has set in. Now real, with no quotation marks, life begins.
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