BLISS RATING: ★★★★+
“All my life I have been afraid of cockroaches, afraid of being left behind and afraid of speaking my true feelings. But it turns out the scariest thing of all…was myself.” – Quote from Send You Pain To The Wind
By far, this is one of the most profoundly moving and reflective stories I have ever watched. It is effulgent but I may be the only one who thinks that. It is storytelling at its finest, with the Vietnamese being the only ones who could pull off such a masterful manipulative story in such a distinguished manner. You MUST pay close attention to its nuances as well as the characters, otherwise you will get lost. Literally. I had to watch this series twice before I fully understood it and fully appreciated its intricacies. And it is really one of the more creative, original, and pensive tales of love I have ever seen. It is certainly NOT a BL but a solid and breathtaking gay story of unrequited love lasting more than 30 years. It is a story also of deep sadness, loneliness, and staggering regret. Yet, at the same time, it is also a reflection of the acceptance of the fate in route towards forbearance. The story is very, very ambiguous. Frankly, my interpretation may not be how you see it but after watching it twice, I think I understood its meaning en masse.
Tommy (Tommy Tran) has a unique tea that he is introducing into the Thai market. He has established a very good working relationship with his Thai partner named Top (Le Quoc Dung). Tommy to solidify his agreement, flies to Thailand and establishes a personal rapport with Top where he learns more about his family background. As they get closer, Tommy begins to have feelings for him, but he is considerably older than Top. As Top explains to Tommy, his mother divorced his father because he was gay, as she happened to find love letters between her husband and his companion back in Vietnam, whom he never forgot. Execrably for Tommy, it was the same individual that he left at the airport 30 years ago – promising he would see him off before he left for Thailand. Tommy had shown up late, only to see the same classmate that tortured them about their relationship – hugging the individual he should have been embracing. After seeing what he saw at the airport burned into his memory, Tommy stayed silent and left, leaving both with a lifetime of unresolved feelings.
However, the story is way, way more complex and complicated. Here is where the confusion begins that becomes, oh so subtle and takes the story in a twisted direction. We see Tommy getting a call about his ‘son’ being in trouble at school. That individual in reality is his nephew whom we never see. His current life parallels his own life from the past. Perhaps that is what triggers his memories. The story that unfolds is really the life of Tommy told in three parts.
We see Tommy, now as Cao Dat (Minh Tan), these days being precocious and irritating as ever. His nonconforming behavior is how he met Huy (Hong Vu Duy). They indeed formed a special bond and connection with each other, and it was evident that both had strong feelings and desires for each other. Yet, this individual who was so outgoing was also the person who never dared to convey his own inner feelings as he was too scared to be labeled and what others might think. And when he finally went to the airport to see Huy off, it was too late. The individual who, ironically, Cao Dat angrily told who was tormenting them about their relationship being inappropriate, stated that perhaps he should spend his time being more honest and convey his true felling for the person he likes, rather than harassing them. So, Hoang Loc (Van Dong) did just that. He went to the airport to meet Huy and confessed his fondness for him and thus these two throughout their lives exchanged love letters and a deep connection that should have been Cao Dat’s. When Cao Dat finally arrived at the airport, he saw Huy and Hoang Loc embrace, turned, and left; never looking back. And became bitter and angry.
Do not be sidetracked by the ‘older’ brother named Khai Duong (Tieu Cuong). He is still Tommy. Only now a young adult and more bitter for not only what happened to him when he was in high school with Huy, but what happened to him when he was secretly filmed kissing his boyfriend at the time. He lost his scholarship to study in South Korea and took revenge on a false perception. He hid his feelings and thus lost because he stayed silent rather than pursue a positive path to the truth and thus redemption. Thus, he began to wall himself up into his own world and from there created the persona for Tommy to exist.
Tommy does find out that adult Huy is in Vietnam, but when he goes to meet him bringing symbolically the box of colored pencils Cao Dat was intending to give Huy 30 years ago, he sees older Huy being embraced yet again by older Hoang Loc. As before, he turns around, saying nothing, and folds back into himself, and walks off.
Who really S.T.O.L.E. this series? The acting in this series is simply top quality because they are all such believable actors. But who I think is the most impactful is Van Dong as young Hoang Loc. While quite brief, he initially seems to be bullying both Huy and Cao Dat about their relationship but in essence, he was simply displaying adolescent jealousy. Unrecognized except by him. When Cao Dat tells him that he needs to inform the individual he likes his inner truth before it is too late, one can see in that instant, in that brief moment, a sense of utter and complete understanding of what Cao Dat said and meant. Thus, when Huy was permanently leaving for Thailand, Hoang Loc found the courage to go first and make his intensions known. And with that confession built a lifelong commitment to each other for the rest of their lives. This is accomplished not with intense dialogue or passionate romantic scenes but merely and completely as simple exchanges between the two of them that you knew and felt in your bones were heartfelt and would outlast any other type of relationship that would occur. The exchange between these two young actors, while subtle, is soft, gentle, sincere and so meaningful. It conveyed an exchange that felt had been there for a long time.
Where this series fell from grace is in its presentation. Perhaps it is only best understood by the Vietnamese within the nuances of its culture and sensitivities, because outside of that, it is confusing. I had to watch it twice to understand the way and the how it was being presented. Tommy was the focal figure, not the boys; as they were him in two other stages of his life. So, what you have is a longitudinal study of a lonely man choosing to be so. Yet, a decent, kind, generous and thoughtful person who chooses to be a fool, a coward, and afraid of love (his words). His current life mirrors his past one in so many ways. While we do not actually see it, we can tell that it does. He is taking care of his nephew who seems as precocious and anti-establishment as he was. That is the mastery of this series. It all blends and blurs.
It is not that Tommy has not fallen in love throughout his life. He has. We know of at least three times. Once with Huy whom he has never forgotten or frankly diminished. Neither for Huy. However, Hue’s love for Cat Dao has faded and is now only a distant memory. Had they perhaps reconnected or Tommy had the courage to meet Huy, who knows if that spark would have grown into a flame again. Neither will ever know. The second time left him a bitter individual when he was in college. Thinking that staying silent from then on about love would hurt less, only hurt more. Silence hurts the most. And finally, he developed feelings for Top. This time he will not remain silent. A fool’s errand indeed especially when Top introduces his fiancé to Tommy. This clearly shows the power of misinterpretation of the intensity of two men, operating on two different levels of mental framing and understanding. I understand Tommy perhaps better than most. I saw his pain. And humiliation when he realized there was nothing there from the beginning. And to compound his discomfort, who in essence he really is. He was falling in love with a dream, a fantasy. For Tommy, silence again becomes like an old friend. Comfortable and secure. Lonely but steady.
This is a brilliant story told too cryptically for it to be fully understood and appreciated, perhaps by most. Yet, it is full of life as so many of us know it. Life here is raw, real, and reflective. It is a story of cowardness and a lack of courage and the consequences of those activities on the human drama of one man seen in three different lights. I doubt this story is different from thousands of similar individuals in many different countries and environments. It is just that the Vietnamese have a way of making their stories so deeply pensive and touching and for lack of a better term – human.
To fully understand and appreciate this series, stay to the end through the credits to watch the dialogue between the three versions of himself. I was deeply moved and wept silently for all three.
I shall put this wonderfully pensive series in my “Must See” List only for those who have the courage to face a reality that is all too often for many individuals. Not all gay loves end up like BLs. Some end up being painfully real.
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